Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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