Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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