you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
