Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize