No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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