So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Drunk is not a location!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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