And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize