I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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