Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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