You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
