If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
