What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
