mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
