I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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