SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
