can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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