I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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