The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
