and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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