making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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