My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
