As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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