he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My bed smells like the plague
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
