Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
