Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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