I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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