sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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