I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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