I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
