UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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