i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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