Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
