I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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