Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this hospital has no fireball
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
