Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And then he peed in my hair
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