Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
