you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
