i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
