There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
where are my eyebrows?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
