dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
