I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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