Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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