forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
