I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
