He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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