Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
