i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
