Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
