i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
