I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
