Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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