if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
