He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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