Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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