dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
