you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
