It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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