I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
