Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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