there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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