The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
