was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
