u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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