it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize