So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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