You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize