There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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