i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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