so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I showed him my bush... on skype.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
