You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My cat gives me a boner
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
