I'm really into asian looking animals
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
