Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
