no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
