Joe is yelling at the trees again.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
