You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
