Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
