The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
