He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
